Will Write For Coffee

and food and vacations, too.

Category: love (page 1 of 3)

When it finally sinks in that you’re moving to a new city!

I was wondering what to cook for dinner. I had some rice from morning which I could fry with some spices and veggies and make a pulao of sort. Or I could eat the kadhi chawal neighbour had sent. Even as I sat contemplating what to cook, it suddenly struck me that in just a few weeks’ time I’ll be moving out of the city.

I will be uprooting myself from the comfort of this place, where I know the roads like the back of my hand, to a city where I’ll depend heavily on either on my husband or Google maps to help me reach my destination. One thought led to another and suddenly I realised I will also not be visiting my favourite places for tea, coffee, pizzas, junk food at moments’ notice either. That I AM MOVING CITIES!

Oh, how I will miss the pani puri at Vastrapur lake. The dabeli at Karnavati and vadapav near H L college. The pav bhaji at Honest (C. G. Road only) and fafda from Oshwal. Khaman, khamani, Chinese samosa from Das and mohanthaal and boondi laadu from Kandoi Bhogilal Moolchand. Sandwich from Char Bhuja and Chinese Bhel and Jashuben’s pizza from Shambhu’s. Coffee at Zen ❤️❤️

:(

I then felt extremely sad at this and trashed the idea of cooking something. I’d rather order in food from places I won’t get to eat regularly when I move cities.

:(

How to get people to like you: 101

The all pervasive dilemma of mind vs heart.

We hear what we want to hear.

We see what we want to see.

Even when we know that the truth is far from what we hear and see. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

How right is it to blame the other person when things don’t turn out our way? How right is it to put the blame on someone else when it was you who chose to hear and see what you wanted to? How right is it to channelise all your rage on someone else when one should be introspecting and seeing where things went wrong?

A lot of people on Twitter these days are calling out “fuckbois”. A term used to refer to men who flirt with multiple women at the same time, lead them on, date them only for their body and move on once they’re done.  I agree, there are tons of men out there who do exactly that. So are tons of women who do exactly that too.

But since most women are calling out fuckbois in their lives, as a woman, I can say I understand where they are coming from. If a man has deliberately led them on, made false promises, explicit or implied, there is no excuse for such terrible behaviour.

However, what if them men keep running away from some woman because she is clingy, hateful, abusive, cruel? Please don’t tell me women can’t do that, women can be as vicious as any other man out there. Maybe after meeting first few times, the men thought they’d be happier without them than keeping a long term association? What if the men never had any intention of getting romantically involved with you, but you misinterpreted the politeness or niceness for love, because desperation?

Desperation makes us do strange things. I’ve been there, done that. I’ve misinterpreted someone’s goodness for their romantic interest in me, only to be left alone, abandoned. And this has happened more than once. So I know exactly how it feels. I’ve known someone who, after watching a movie with me (I hate Love Aaj Kal) stopped talking to me completely. Before that we’d be talking all the time. Someone else asked me out on one Valentine’s Day, and then got married to his childhood sweetheart in April that year.  (Surprisingly, both IIMA grads. Assholes.)

But is it their fault? Perhaps the second guy, yes. He was a fuckboi. Asshole. But the first one I mentioned, no. He never made any promises. He never told me he had feelings for me. In fact, he always told me how he likes a batchmate of his, who is in an abusive relationship with another batchmate of his. But then, that’s that. He never took me for a ride. Why should I, then accuse him of breaking my heart? Yes, my heart was broken, I felt terrible, cried myself to sleep. But then, it was not his fault.

Having said that, I also know how hateful some women could be even in day to day conversations. A friend has a terrible habit of being emotionally manipulative. She regularly likes to play mind games where she’d say something which has a reference in conversation she would have had with a common friend, just to see my reactions and gauge if we have ‘talked about her behind her back’.  She’s so hateful and exudes so much negativity, even I’d not like to be hanging out around her. I’d rather have my peace of mind than walk around on eggshells all the time.

So, perhaps, not all men are assholes for not reciprocating your imagined love. Perhaps changing a bit of your own behaviour to be generally likeable could help.

Stop. Being. Horrible.

Letting Go Of Past

I am embarking on a brand new journey. I am very excited and nervous at the same time.

Uprooting myself from the city I have lived my entire life in and the house I was born into to move to a completely new city. I will live under same roof with someone I have known for little over two years now. We have our own set of quirks and differences, but we are determined to go through them as a team.

I will be responsible for a home.

If RO system or pressure pump or motor or even stove stops working, I’ll have to figure a way out. Things won’t just magically repair themselves the way they do at home (mothers are truly magicians). I will have to ensure that groceries include nutritious food and fibre is part of diet (amazing how food is always ready when I’m hungry, mothers are magicians).

I am terrified.

There will be bills to pay and food to cook and office to go to.

But I am thrilled.

I am looking forward to coming home to someone waiting for me (or waiting for someone to come home), cook together, eat, weekend walks in gardens, brunches, movies, board games, reading, travelling.

As I step into a new world, I want to get go of the past.

Of the hurt, the heartaches, the grudges. Why carry forward emotional baggage about things and people who no longer will be relevant?

I am trying hard to move on. To not be hung up on people who have hurt me deeply. And I will. I am start a new life on a clean slate.

I hope those who have hurt me in the past find peace and whatever they are looking for. I am not even saying Karma will look after you. Because who am I to judge their deed was good or bad? After all it is my perception, right? And I am not even saying I will reach out to them and reconcile. No, I think there is no point in going back to people I have left far behind. They are no longer part of my life.

This is my closure.

How To Lose A Girl In Ten Days

So it was one late winter evening when I decided to Netflix and chill and landed on How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days. There’s something about romantic comedies that warms up my heart. You know, the warm fuzzy feeling. The one which reinstates your belief in love, no matter how skewed your idea of love is?

We all have seen movies where the girlfriends/wives are clingy, whiny and perpetually suspicious of their boyfriends/husbands. (For the sake of convenience, I’ll henceforth write only girlfriends and boyfriends.)

But what about boyfriends? Obviously, it takes two to make a relationship work, right?

In this day of technology, where cheating, even if it is emotionally, is so easy, here are a few ways to lose your girl.

  1. Take her for granted. Everyone loves the chase. The part where you both are getting to know each other, and there’s the thrill of new romance. But once she says yes, the excitement is gone. Flirting with her comes down and flirting with other women increases. “I’m only flirting with them, but I love you,” they say. Naah, doesn’t work that way. Not cool. There will be a time till which she will let it go because she doesn’t want to come across as clingy, suspicious girlfriend, but one fine day, when things get too much to handle, she will lose her interest in you. Before you know it, she will shrug and move on.
  2. Keep doing things she explicitly says she doesn’t like because, ‘my life, my rules’. Yes, your life, your rules, but it is okay for each of you to bend your rules a little to adjust for each other. If you aren’t ready to change a little for her, well, she isn’t ready either. As I said, don’t take her for granted.
  3. “I will leave you” threat. Well, then, just do. Make it easier for her to move on with her life without having a jerk like you in her life. No one deserves love with comes with a condition that if you displease me, I will leave you lurking over the head all the time. Relationships should come with some sort of emotional security. This isn’t it. And trust me, before you leave her, she will leave you.
  4. Hiding relationship from friends. Hopefully, someone will put some sense into her head and tell her that it is a red flag when he refuses to acknowledge her as an important part of his life and she will gather her dignity and move on. Also, don’t lie. She knows you’re lying, but is overlooking it because, well, love is blind and makes really smart people act stupidly.
  5. Lack of communication. Are you around when she needs you as an emotional support? Do you always put her down if she has a differing opinion? Do you believe in raking up past issues and things that hurt her? Do you deliberately choose to say hurtful things to her because she doesn’t like it? Well, breaking news: you will lose her.

These are the very basic decent things someone expects in a relationship, but over the last few years I have generally observed these around me and you’d be surprised how a lot of men mess things up for themselves.

Don’t be that guy.

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