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Category: life (page 1 of 5)

Being fearless

My neighbour has a 2 year old son. He is not afraid of anything. He climbs stairs without any support. He climbs down the stairs without any support either. He appears as if he would stumble and perhaps fall down the flight of stairs, but he, with his tiny legs, is again climbing down without any support of the railing.

His other favourite thing to do is chase animals. Stray dogs, peacocks, monkeys. He likes to run up to them and befriend them. He thinks they’re playing with him if they try to run away. He is not afraid of reaching out to a monkey. He isn’t afraid that the dog might bite him.

He is also not afraid of running on to the roads. As soon as he sees the gate of his home open, he wants to run on the road. He is not afraid of vehicular traffic. He doesn’t think some moving car may hit him or a stranger might take him away. No. He’s just happy to be running around. For him, everyone is playing with him.

Was I ever this fearless? Why am I afraid to take that step? Why am I afraid to speak my mind? Why am I wary of strangers? It could be series of experiences over the years that makes you cynical. Some steps we may have taken could have backfired. Sometimes staying quiet could have been better than speaking up. Perhaps if I hadn’t come across strangers who turned friends who eventually hurt me deeply, I wouldn’t be so wary of trusting people.

With experience also comes the ability to study and judge people easily. I wish I wasn’t so right about people so many times. I wish I were wrong about how terribly awful some people could be. I wish I was wrong every single time I judged someone to be a vicious human being.

But with time, I am coming to realisation it is not for me to help the distressed souls. That it is not for me to be all Mother Teresa and take them under my wings to sort out their issues. Because more often than not, all your deeds are misunderstood, even if you have best of intentions in your mind. Perhaps this is where you learn. You learn to let go and have faith that things will sort themselves out.

Perhaps I could learn from that two year old. To give in. To go heads on into things I have no idea about. To venture into the unknown. To take the plunge.

To be little more trusting.

To be little more fearless.

How to get people to like you: 101

The all pervasive dilemma of mind vs heart.

We hear what we want to hear.

We see what we want to see.

Even when we know that the truth is far from what we hear and see. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

How right is it to blame the other person when things don’t turn out our way? How right is it to put the blame on someone else when it was you who chose to hear and see what you wanted to? How right is it to channelise all your rage on someone else when one should be introspecting and seeing where things went wrong?

A lot of people on Twitter these days are calling out “fuckbois”. A term used to refer to men who flirt with multiple women at the same time, lead them on, date them only for their body and move on once they’re done.  I agree, there are tons of men out there who do exactly that. So are tons of women who do exactly that too.

But since most women are calling out fuckbois in their lives, as a woman, I can say I understand where they are coming from. If a man has deliberately led them on, made false promises, explicit or implied, there is no excuse for such terrible behaviour.

However, what if them men keep running away from some woman because she is clingy, hateful, abusive, cruel? Please don’t tell me women can’t do that, women can be as vicious as any other man out there. Maybe after meeting first few times, the men thought they’d be happier without them than keeping a long term association? What if the men never had any intention of getting romantically involved with you, but you misinterpreted the politeness or niceness for love, because desperation?

Desperation makes us do strange things. I’ve been there, done that. I’ve misinterpreted someone’s goodness for their romantic interest in me, only to be left alone, abandoned. And this has happened more than once. So I know exactly how it feels. I’ve known someone who, after watching a movie with me (I hate Love Aaj Kal) stopped talking to me completely. Before that we’d be talking all the time. Someone else asked me out on one Valentine’s Day, and then got married to his childhood sweetheart in April that year.  (Surprisingly, both IIMA grads. Assholes.)

But is it their fault? Perhaps the second guy, yes. He was a fuckboi. Asshole. But the first one I mentioned, no. He never made any promises. He never told me he had feelings for me. In fact, he always told me how he likes a batchmate of his, who is in an abusive relationship with another batchmate of his. But then, that’s that. He never took me for a ride. Why should I, then accuse him of breaking my heart? Yes, my heart was broken, I felt terrible, cried myself to sleep. But then, it was not his fault.

Having said that, I also know how hateful some women could be even in day to day conversations. A friend has a terrible habit of being emotionally manipulative. She regularly likes to play mind games where she’d say something which has a reference in conversation she would have had with a common friend, just to see my reactions and gauge if we have ‘talked about her behind her back’.  She’s so hateful and exudes so much negativity, even I’d not like to be hanging out around her. I’d rather have my peace of mind than walk around on eggshells all the time.

So, perhaps, not all men are assholes for not reciprocating your imagined love. Perhaps changing a bit of your own behaviour to be generally likeable could help.

Stop. Being. Horrible.

Emotional Baggage And Bitterness

I have been on the Internet since the beginning of time. The Internet has been my childhood friend, real and imaginary. Growing up socially awkward (otherwise awesome), I have read up things and come across so many people that I could consider myself a fairly good judge of people.

One thing that stands out here is how bitter people are over the Internet. So many derive sadistic pleasure by just being vile because of the anonymity Internet allows. There are also people here who bring with them years and years of emotional baggage. Of heartbreak, of setbacks, of the love lost. Of being bullied because you do not fit into the societal norm of being ‘normal’. We have all been there. The Internet has also been very accepting of us lot, the ones who are not ‘normal’.

But a growing trend I have seen over last few years (because as you grow older, you become more of an observer than an participant) is that people over the Internet are very bitter. They are unhappy, they are sad, they are broken (some because of what they’ve gone through, but mostly, because of how they react to what they have gone through) and are extremely bitter.

Their idea of happiness stems from other’s misery. If they have been bullied in their younger days, they double up as social justice warriors with a mob, who bully anyone who doesn’t agree with them. They are, in effect, just what they are fighting against, no? Back in 2012 I had a tumblr which was my everyday struggles online journal. I had forgotten how I an acquaintance over Twitter knew of the tumblr. I would write about my insecurities and little joys, and this guy would leave really mean comments. (don’t ask me how I figured it out, there is a reason I keep insisting Ajit Doval sir to hire me) He was really nice and supportive over WhatsApp and DM, but really, really cruel when he was armed with anonymity. It took me a long time to get over it. (he was really awful, Abhishek, if you’re reading this, you’re an asshole.)

But then I realised he was bitter towards me because he was extremely unhappy and bitter himself. He derived sadistic pleasure in making me feel miserable because he himself was so miserable in his life (perhaps because not really doing that well in his career has his parents might have expected/hoped for). I don’t really feel bad about that episode anymore (because 5 years have passed since then) but every once in a while I think of it and kick myself for developing a minor crush on this guy who was such an jackass to me.

Similarly, there are so many people I know of over Twitter who are fighting their own struggles and battles, but have in turn become so bitter. Some are lonely in their lives after a bitter break up or a divorce, some are bitter because they have always been bullied about their weight, some are bitter because of personal tragedies like death of a loved one and inability to cope with it without being a complete maniac, while some are lonely and bitter because they have such poor attitude, or clingy nature or just epitome of rudeness that they lose friends along the way.

Carrying emotional baggage is the worst kind of torture one can inflict upon themselves. Personal tragedies should humble you down. When I know how upsetting anonymous hate could be I have always refrained from doing the same. If I know how hurtful something like bullying could be, I would try I don’t end up being one.

We all go through shit in our lives. We all just need to learn to deal with it ourselves. We have to fight our demons on our own. And no one is obliged to fight them for you.

Oh, and you are in that situation because of yourself. No one else is to be blamed. You are choosing to react in a certain way because of whatever shit happened in your life. About time you stop blaming third person for your bitterness.

Your experiences should make you better, not bitter.

Humour as Coping Mechanism

We’ve all seen laughing club members making loud ha ha ha sounds in the mornings in the nearby parks.  We’ve also seen Munnabhai M.B.B.S. where Dr. Asthana used the same technique to control his anger.

My interactions with a friend over last few months have made me realise how different people take failures/setbacks differently.  Last night I realised how it may not really be as easy for some people to move on from failures. Or rather, look at all their other achievements independent of their failures/setbacks.

Even when I try to look at it objectively, it took me longer than I should have that not everyone moves on from setbacks easily. That the scars don’t easily fade away even after 15 years. That subconsciously, you may still look for validation from everyone around because of that one time you ‘failed’ them over a decade ago. Even if they no longer remember it, as it may have seemed like the biggest ‘failure’ at that time, the older you go, and the more you achieve, that fades away.

I realised not everyone can take a joke on themselves. That not everyone can joke about their own failures or hardships to help them sail through it. And that is when I realised how incredibly important it is to do the same.

I realised that in absence of humour, everything in the world seems like a conspiracy against you and you tend to take any one of statement, independent of your situation, as a passive aggressive comment on your ‘failure’ from years ago, which most likely no one remembers.

Every once in a while, we need to chill. Need to remind ourselves not to take life and our own self too seriously. We’re not going to get out of it alive anyway. Might as well laugh it off, no?

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