As someone who grew up in the 90s, if Sunday mornings were all about B R Chopra’s Mahabharat, Friday nights 10 pm were all about CID. (And Aahat too, which used to terrify me so much as a child that I am still not able to gather courage to watch the show when it was recently relaunched.)
But I’m here to talk about CID. This show has been consistently defying logic and questioning an average tv viewer’s common sense. Like, no one thinks it is strange that they wear snow white cotton gloves while collecting evidence at crime scene. Cotton gloves can totally not tamper evidence, right? Right.
And how the forensic lab headed by Dr Salunkhe, with Dr Tarika as his assistant, also doubles up as room for conducting autopsy. Dr. Salukhne and Dr. Tarika also wear snow white cotton gloves while performing the acts. And let us just not talk about colourful liquids in the lab. Today there were 5-6 glass jars on a rotating table with colourful liquid in it.
An episode some ten years ago went like this:
Mona Ambegaohkar : Is cake ke box pe doodh hai.
ACP Praduman : Doodh?
Mona : Ji haan.. Doodh mein jo fat hota hai woh is box pe hai.
ACP : Doodh cake ke box pe kya kar raha tha?
Some Inspector : Doodh box pe kya kar raha tha?]
ACP : wohi toh.
Inspector : shayad kisine doodh wale haathon se box ko chhua hoga.
ACP : shayad.
Inspector : Shayad woh doodh ka kaam karta hoga.
Inspector 2 : shayad woh chai bana raha hoga ya doodh ubal rahi hogi.
I swear I am not making it up. I have fantastic memory. I also vividly remember an episode where the case was solved by a burnt matchstick – where they traced the matchstick to batch of matchboxes and from there to matchbox company and found distributor and all for batch. They found the dude who had lit the maachis. Yep. Unbelievable.
Oh and the one episode where instead of maachis, the entire procedure was carried out for a ball-point pen. Ya.
Today they were solving an episode about death by radiation and this is how they were protecting themselves.
Yes, you just saw a bunch of sleuths protecting themselves from radiation by wearing yellow goggles. They have miraculously mutated themselves and evolved into beings where their rest of the body does not need protection from radiation.
Eventually, they figured radiation wala zeher was actually spread when the victim ate khichdi at a restaurant a week back, as the khichdi had radiation wale zeher wale baal.
Then they find a suspect, they go to the suspect’s place, a party is on. Extras are not sure what to do, so they just look at each other oblivious to CID’s presence because extreme stithapragna they are.
Now, the party is on, so they ask the host, correctly dressed up the most like Christmas tree, where her husband is. Because he is the prime suspect. She casually announces ki unki chaar din pehle maut ho chuki hai. YA. Husband died four days back so yay, let’s party. When CID team asks wtf dude, Y U PARTY? She goes “kisike jaane se zindagi to nahin rukti, jo gaya woh chala gaya.”
CID team exchanges wtf looks with each other when a dude suddenly appears and defends the host. He tells Team CID “maut ho gayi char din pehle. jo chale gaye unhe kya yaad karna, aap bhi humare saath party karein.”
Again, casually, Team CID asks them for her dead husband’s stuffs to match some DNA. Because, why not? She casually tells them bro, ghar mein party, kal aana.
It is at this precise moment, Team CID loses its shit. “Hum yahan aapse unki cheezein maang rahe hai, jaise ki kangi, brush unke DNA sample (?) ke liye aur aap humse party karne ke liye keh rahe hai? Jo manga hai woh de do warna poori zindagi party nahin kar paoge.”
Wife promptly gives kangi and toothbrush for DNA samples.
This is all ridiculous. And I have no idea how Kunika Lal is the killer. I had not even seen her before she was slapped and thrown on the interrogation chair (which is also inside the forensic lab) and asked to wait till she gets phaansi.