Will Write For Coffee

and food and vacations, too.

Month: June 2015 (page 1 of 2)




“बहुत गर्मी है, स्वामी, कहीं हिल स्टेशन चलते है,” पार्वतीजी अपना पसीना पोछते हुए बोली।

“प्रिये, अब कैलास परबत से अच्छा कौनसा हिल स्टेशन होगा? यह गर्मी हमारी गलती का नतीजा है। अगर हम इन्सान बनाते नहीं, तो यह धरती आज भी स्वर्ग से सुन्दर होती।” शिवजी अपने गले में लटके वासुकी सांप को स्थिर रहने को कहा। जबसे समुद्र मंथन से लौटे है, तबसे वासुकी शिवजी को मंदार परबत समझ बैठे है।

पार्वतीजीने बड़े प्यार से वादियों की तरफ देखा और शिवजी से पूछा, “स्वामी, यह प्यार कैसे होता है?”

शिवजी मुस्कुराये।

“अब हमें आपको समझाना पड़ेगा प्यार कैसे होता है?”

“हमारा नहीं, मनुष्य वाला प्यार।”

“आज कल हिंदी फिल्में बहुत देख रही है आप।” शिवजी पार्वतीजी का मज़ाक उड़ाते बोले।

“बताईये ना,” पार्वतीजी ने कहा।

“प्यार तब होता है जब रातें छोटी होती है और सपने लम्बे। जब मुस्कराहट आपके चेहरे से हटती नहीं। जब किसीकी हंसी पुरे दिन की थकान दूर कर दे और आवाज़ सुनकर दूरियाँ नज़दीक लगने लगती है।” शिवजी ने कहा।

“अगर प्यार इतना प्यारा होता है तो लोग उससे भागते क्यों है?” पार्वतीजीके चेहरे पर सवालिया निशान बना हुआ था।

“प्यार करना जितना आसान है, निभाना उतना ही मुश्किल। अब सब आपकी तरह भाग्यशाली नहीं होते, प्रिये।” शिवजी ज़ोर से हंस पड़े।

In love, it is either all or nothing. There is no in-between.

Deconstructing Hindi Songs: Kehta Hai Kabootar

*Spoiler Alert!!*

So two days back, in the crazy rains that Ahmedabad had, our house got flooded. Like, really.  Our living room and mandir were filled with water for whole night because they are at a low level and well, no outlet for the water to go out.

It was little terrifying. Especially when one has irrational fear of water.  See, oceans are HUGE. You really do not know what lies beneath. They are so mighty, you just feel completely out of control and powerless before them.  So when the rainwater started entering the house, my brain just shut down. Well, essentially, you can’t quite do much about it either – you are truly helpless against the mother nature. (not even talking about my own mother who went into a panic mode.)

Anyway, I have the videos of the flooding uploaded here and here and check it out if you want to.

Anyhoooo. So today morning I decided to make this video blog, just because I felt like.

Here’s the original song I’m deconstructing.

And here is my video where I deconstruct it. Hope you have fun! :D (or maybe not. Just avoid. It is pretty boring)

The Airport

I love you


“If I could, I wouldn’t let you go,” he said.

‘If you would tell me one time to stay back, I would,’ I thought.

He was driving me to the airport. I had to go home.  I didn’t want to go home.

We were together for over two years, but he could not get over his commitment phobia.  “Marriage changes everything, the love is lost in the holy fire that is supposed to witness the holy matrimony,” he said every few weeks.

I had not even asked him to marry me. But every few days he wanted to explain it to me how marriage is not for him.  I guess a part of him wanted to assure me that he would want to stick around even if there is no legal document binding us.

My parents wanted me to find a suitable boy and marry him.  While I had found a suitable boy, how do I tell them he is not interested in marrying their daughter? They were growing old and wanted me to stay nearer to them for some time.. ‘because then you will get married and go away’.

When I told Vikram that I am moving back to Ahmedabad, he was heartbroken.  “But why?”

“Because my parents are getting older and they want me to live with them for sometime,” he said.

“But what about us?” he asked. “What about me? What will I do without you?”

“I will keep coming to Bombay and you could come see me in Ahmedabad,” I said, trying hard not to cry.

I didn’t want to leave him. But I could not stay like this forever.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” I said taking my backpack.

The drive to the airport was a quiet one. He barely said a word.

“I hope I don’t miss the flight,” I said as we were stuck in a traffic jam. His face was impassive, devoid of any expressions.

We managed to reach the airport.  As I put the luggage on the trolly, I turned around for one last hug for a long time. He doesn’t really like public display of affection and has always mocked others indulging in it.

Reluctantly, I distanced myself, and turned around to walk into the airport.

I had barely walked a few steps when he felt a tug on my elbow and he hugged me tighter than he ever has. And he kissed me. “I’ll miss you,” he said, as he kissed me again only to unwillingly withdraw himself from the embrace.

I am sure that the most sincere kisses have taken place at the departure areas of the airports.

I had to go.

I walked inside the terminal, checked in the baggage and texted, “Done with check-in, gate no. 4”.

He replied, “Don’t go,”

I stared blankly at my phone screen. Suddenly the screen lit up with his face. He was calling.

“Will you marry me?” he asked.

“WHAT?” I said in disbelief.

“Say yes, I am standing outside with my knee bent, and the cops here are thinking I have lost it,”

As tears rolled down my cheeks, I said yes.

Pradhan Mantriji, Raasto Pe Shauchalay Banaiye

Dear Prime Minister,

First of all I would like to congratulate you on taking up the task of bringing toilets to every single home in India.  How will India become a superpower if we do not have toilets in each home? Not being sarcastic at all.  It is 2015 and I can’t believe we have to convince people to have toilets in their homes.

But today I write to you for another kinds of toilets. Yes, yes, India has a lot of problems, but hey, I am pointing you to one more, and we all know your 56 inch ki chhati is very capable of solving a lot of them. #NotABhakt

Toilets on the roads.

Sir, the lack of public toilets on the roads is shocking.  You end up using the toilets at shady roadside “hotels” which are in such deplorable conditions that the pee does not want to leave the kidneys. The toilet seats look like the iron thrones with a bunch of lizards and some other unidentifiable reptiles running across. Not that lizards are hazardous beings, but have you ever heard any of my family member reacting to a presence of a lizard? I have always believed lizards do not belong to the planet. Have you ever considered the possibility that they might be actually aliens and transmitting our behaviour patterns to their aaka somewhere in a galaxy far far away? Have you ever seen them blink? What kind of earthling does not blink?

I digress.

Coming back to lack of public toilets on the roads, trust me, people would be willing to pay for use of decently usable toilets. Maybe a toilet every 100 km may not be a bad idea.

Having said that, the roads of the state are wonderful! <3 We went on a road trip to Ambaji and Mount Abu over the weekend, and you knew you were in Rajasthan when then roads towards Abu Road looked as if the Gujjars had just had a series of protests there. Gujarat roads, on the other hand, were smooth as a baby’s bums!

Anyway, Mr. Prime Minister, there are a lot of things I want to talk about on how to make the country better. You know where to reach me. Let us have a #ChaiPeCharcha one of these days, okay?

See you around!

-Nirwa Mehta,

Future World President.


PS: I think Smriti Irani and Sushma Swaraj are pretty awesome. Do not let them quit your cabinet.


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