So I usually don’t care much about forwarded messages. Especially when they are part of my family group. Most are sexist jokes and I do not find them funny, but ever since I reached the zen state of mind where I give up trying to correct other individuals and accepting their stupidity as a lesson for their karma, I have been happier.
But then, today morning this forwarded message caught my attention (and for a brief moment, I was tempted to roll back up and read other forwarded messages to get my dose of daily laughter (omg, the dosage has gone up, I laugh way more than I thought I could – expecting my cheeks to develop 8 pack abs any moment) but then better sense prevailed).
Anyhooooo. Coming back.
So, this forwarded message made me laugh on various levels. Firstly, the joke is kinda funny. Not because the lady thinks her tongue is the shatra, but that she was putting kumkum-chawal on it. I almost had an image of a ferocious lady (looking verrrrmuch similar to Lashkar E Foiba, who incidentally forwarded this message) put the said objects on her tongue. OMG. It is howlarious. You have to know my aunt and my entire extended family to know why this is insanely hilarious.
I do not hate my family, ok? I am allowed to make fun of them because I am related to them. At least I am not sitting in a corner and plotting to murder them, unlike my criminally inclined psychotic nephew, who already has blueprint of getting me killed in his head. (no, seriously, if anything were to happen, please to point needle of suspicion towards him, but then in all possibilities I will rise from the ashes like a phoenix because I am awesome like that even in death.)
Anyway, so this particular joke – there is a pumpkin in it. Please to explain why. I mean, I like putting random emojis too, and omg, is that why I find it funny? because of the stupid random emoji placement I can so well relate to? OMG. I AM WARMING UP TO MY FAMILY!
So, a pumpkin. In a joke about Parshuram Jayanti. I have no idea why this is funny, but it is.
Then there’s a bug. It has no reason to be there, but it is still there – and then people ask me why I append the snake emoji at the end of messages/tweets.
There is also paw prints. I DID NOT KNOW PARSHURAM WAS A DOG LOVER! OMG.
I know I started trying to decipher why this whatsapp forwarded message is funny, but then, I digressed midway – like always – and now I do not know what to say anymore.
OMG. I am so so so tempted to scroll up and find other gems, but must. control.
In other news, it is Monday today. Almost 7 days to next Monday. OMG.
Hi. #Hi #HIGH
Welcome to Ahmedabad. I am glad you chose to visit the lovely city of Ahmedabad. It looks lovely today, especially the routes you will be taking. Actually, just the routes you will be taking.
The hotel you are staying at, right next to it, is a very narrow lane. (fun fact: the lane was once home to a giant goat who loved to chew tobacco.) The lane is usually so congested, today it will be shut down completely. Even though you will not take the narrow lane (because we have six lane flyovers in the city, why would you take a single lane narrow gully).
The lake right across your hotel – it is usually full of people and activity – the food stalls around the lane serve some of the best food. Too bad you won’t be able to either see how we Amdavadis find joy in simple pani puri and or even taste it for that matter. You see, you will be fed traditional Gujarati food (and you must hope that it is not altered to suit to your Chinese taste buds as Chinese food is altered to suit our taste buds).
The Riverfront where you and your delegation will meet the who’s who of Indian corporates is next to the Sabarmati river. The river, on an average day, stinks. It also has floating garbage which is at various stages of decay. Today, it is clean. Maybe next time, you could visit the holy city of Varanasi.
Also, talking of the Riverfront, please notice those statues of flamingos, asiatic lions and one mystery animal which I think looks like a donkey, but could be a nilgai. It is the proof how we Gujaratis live in harmony with nature. (also, as I write this I realise I live like some 300 kms from the lions and omg, that is so awesome. )
We Amdavadis, however, are very glad you have come down. The roads are re-carpeted. Some of them, at least. It has made us believe that the roads which are ruined overnight in a few hours of rain (or sometimes mysteriously even though there are no rains, like really, how does it work – the roads getting damaged – who steals away the excavated part in the pot hole? how can it magically disappear?) can also be repaired overnight.
That Gujarat has the magical ability of developing nice roads overnight. I always knew we were awesome like that. Wish we knew how to get things done, though.
Oh, and while you are at it, do understand that your country has kind of – sort of ruined some of our local businesses, like ceramic industry, because the CNG prices in the state are so high, and the fuel cost increases the cost of production, forcing a lot of small units to shut down. Gujarat manufactures about 70 percent of India’s ceramic. Of course, thanks to anti-dumping duty, they are surviving, for now. But there are other things too. I am not sure they are too happy with the grand welcome you are getting.
Oh, and while we are at it, we are welcoming just you and your delegation that is officially coming over. Not the intrusion at the border. Please keep that in check. That is not welcomed.
Hope you enjoy your stay here.
(PS: Views entirely personal)
Edit: Log on to reddit, and here’s a thread I see. And totally shattering the bubble. It’s a thread asking what are obvious signs that someone’s into you. Apparently, today I learnt no one has ever been into me. OMG. THIS IS LIKE THE SADDEST DAY EVER OR WHAT
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ggrky/whats_an_obvious_yet_often_overlooked_sign_that/?limit=500 Here’s the link for your kind perusal and get the fuck off.