Will Write For Coffee

and food and vacations, too.

Month: August 2014 (page 1 of 2)

Things that keep me awake

I have issues.

While a lot of what I say or do does not make sense, and I am perfectly fine with rest of the world not making sense because I like chaos over order, but then when I realise there is something that just does not make sense and I want to make sense and I cannot make sense I spend sleepless nights.

I have many such things that keep me awake all night.

No, it is not something as lame as what is the purpose of life. Dude, the purpose of your fucking life is to make sure you do not die.

But have you ever noticed how the oxygen, which is the single most important thing to keep you alive, is slowly killing you by the process of oxidation? Maybe we should all practice slow breathing techniques and hold our breath or something and fool oxygen or something.

Anyway. So today morning I woke up and decided I wanted to watch TV.  Parents returning today so I am going to soak in all the television I can before I leave for airport to pick them up.  And while I was watching TV, this wild song appeared out of nowhere.

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There are few things about this song that don’t make sense.  Why is Hema and Shatrughan Sinha selling Chanachor garam in a jail when Manoj Kumar is about to be hanged? And why are they so excited about selling chanachor garam when Kumar may be killed as soon as the frolicking is over?

Also, Dilip Kumar. Means why.

Why spike chanachor garam? If I were an Angrezo ke zamane ki jailor, they’d need paani puri to lure me or something. Chanachor garam is just not as exciting.

Also, why are they so excited at the prospect of the chanachor garams having a mind of their own? mera chana hai apni marzi ka. Dude, what is it? An unruly teenager?

Why is chane ki aankh sharabi? why does it have haal (or is it gaal?) gulaabi? And why is then like a kudi punjabi? WHY DOES IT NAACHO CHHANAN CHHANAN?

Is this chanachor garam some sort of creative euphemism for something I’ve not figured out now?

Like I realised how the zubaan pe laaga namak isaaq ka from Omkara has such an indecent interpretation is this song also something else? IS CHANA SOMETHING ELSE?

ARE THEY REFERRING TO THEMSELVES AS CHANA? If I were to refer to myself as a food item, I’d probably call myself cookie or something. I AM A TOUGH COOKIE TO BREAK.

It is because of songs like these that I have issues.  Anxiety issues among other issues.

Home Alone Diaries

So my parents are visiting sister in Bangalore.  They are returning on Sunday and I still have the weekend by myself to enjoy my freedom.

Which includes watching whatever the shit I want to watch on TV.  Especially since I am not made to sit through Sasural Simar Ka.  Former Balika Vadhu, the girl-woman Avika Gor, needs one tight slap for acting at least 10 years older than she is.

Anyway, I digress.

Best part is, the upcoming weekend.  I have no idea what I want to do over the weekend starting tonight.

It has been a while since I went out for a coffee by myself.  But then, since I am home alone, I can always make myself a cup of coffee and drink it, which will be a coffee date with myself.  But that’s no fun. Because if I go to this Zen cafe next to Sundervan (I love leaving my online footprints in the hopes that my secret admirer will bump into me someday) (and also because it is my favourite hangout spot) I will at least see some faces.  I may not like many people, but I do like being surrounded by people.  And then there are many others like me who keep visiting that place – a lot of times on their own. It’s like a den for the #ForeverAlones who like being by themselves.

But I will go to Zen tonight.. right after office, I think. Maybe I should take my Mac to office today (see how strategically I included how I have a Mac? Because it is such a pretty device, it should be talked about) so I can sit at Zen and write the manuscript of the next best seller.

There is no excitement in life in general.  No adrenaline rush. There has to be something thrilling, which could potentially put your life in danger, but then you survive because if my life cannot be a romantic comedy, it could at least be a thriller, right?

I am almost hoping for something to happen.  Because life is boring.  And boring is just boring.

On that note, I’ll make a move, CID episode is running on Sony right now. OMG EXCAAAAAITE.

India 2020

Every great leader has a vision for India in 2020.

The first time someone had a vision for India in 2020 was at the turn of the century when the 20 years looked too long.  Well, for last 10 years, India was stuck in a limbo, except dial up internet was replaced by WiFi. <3 p="">
But as future #WorldPresident, I have a vision too.  And though adjusting for last 10 years of #PolicyParalysis (I love the word, and also showing off how such a hot shot journalist I am now) I should actually be laying down vision for India 2030, but 2020 has a good ring to it.

Anyhooo. So what do I envision as India’s future?

Here are some pointers.

1.  Pedestrians will come to realise that roads are not their pappa’s jaagir.  And that their safety, especially when they are jaywalking with earphones plugged in, is not in the hands of the motorists.  Maybe we will create a separate layer of land above the current land, like flyover/skywalk type, but covering entire earth and the pedestrians can do whatever the shit they want on their own land.  Just stop walking on the roads.

2.  Every individual to have a climate, temperature controlled capsule which they can wear.  Like personal orb of sort which they wear around and it keeps them cool as they want.

3.  Ahmedabad may be declared remote territory of the Sun.  Because there can be no other reason why it is so fucking hot here.

4.  Autorickshaws to be replaced by Rickocopters (an autorickshaw and helicopter hybrid) which runs on paan pichkaaris as fuel.  This will solve multiple problems.  Ricky Martins (Autorickshaw drivers) will stop paan pichkaari on the road.  And since the autorickshaws cannot possibly go any faster on the road as they have exhausted the highest speed humany possible for something as terrifying as the three-wheeled wonder that it is, getting them off the road and on the air may just solve half the world’s problems.

Or OMG. They can join the jaywalking pedestrians on the layer parallel to the earth.

5.  Cars will start running on sheer willpower.  Because renewable sources of energy is too mainstream.  Also because it will totally advocate the law of attraction.

6.  Which brings me to myself, because I am India and India is me and I should totally be able to earn just enough to travel the world, buy all the gadgets I want and watch romantic comedy and criminal drama movies.  By that time, should also totally trick someone to fall in louuuw with me.

I am bored now. Also, got to take shower because it is Saturday and is it really a Saturday if your mother has no errands lined up for you to run?

Oh and did I tell you parents to be in Bangalore till next weekend. WHEEEEEE. I am home alone and totally going to partaaaaay.

LOLJK.

I have no friends. :|

To the silent readers

Dear silent readers of this blog,

I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for being there.

Do drop in a line some day, if you ever feel like talking to me, ok? I’d love to know you guys. What you do, where you’re from.. as long as you love me.. sorry, I digress. I mean, do write to me.  I’d really, really like to know you guys and if ever I meet you, I’d treat you to a coffee (sorry, Ahmedabad mein no alcoholic beverages, legally available, that is)

Yea? So write to me? nirwamehta at gmail dot com?

I’m in a generally great mood today. <3 nbsp="" p="">

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