Will Write For Coffee

and food and vacations, too.

Month: May 2013 (page 1 of 2)

Ending outrage on Twitter part 1

Every few days a section of people on Twitter get their panties (or boxers or whatever the shit you wear, to avoid being accused of being sexist) rolled up in a bunch and outrage till their heart’s content.  Outrage about what, you ask? Well, I don’t know. Sometimes they just outrage because they have nothing else to do.  Had it not been for twitter, they wouldn’t even have given any thought to the issue they are outraging about.

This outrage continues till they find something new to outrage about.  Sometimes, they are oblivious to the fact that this new outrage is completely contradictory to the previous outrage, but hey, ‘my twitter account, my tweets, feel free to unfollow’ is the ultimate weapon when someone tries to show some sense to them.

Of course, such exchange of tweets has been an enjoyable spectacle for people like me who like to spy on complete strangers and throw hands up in exasperation on how utterly stupid they are.

So to end this outrage, let us take one issue at a time and try and find ways to abolish it.

Commercials

Yes, this is the favourite topic of outrage most of the times.  And this is a wide topic.  But I don’t really have that much patience to subdivide the topic.  Also, I am kind of bored already.

One fellow was once outraging on how they use a blue ink in sanitary napkins ads.  Basically that fellow wanted them to use red.  BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW WE DO NOT BLEED BLUE IN THOSE 5 DAYS? Also, seriously, why is using blue ink in sanitary napkin ad even an issue? wtf.

And then the other day someone was wondering why is Delhi police taking so much interest in the spot fixing case.  And someone quipped how their bonus might depend on it.  Now, we are all upset on how the police had handled a lot of other cases, but for once they are doing their job and people have a problem with that also.  Delhi police, why don’t you hold a poll every day and ask people what case you should follow up today so that you can go about doing your duty without being questioned your intentions behind it.

In fact, they should be outraging about why didn’t Vindoo Dara Singh didn’t get braces when he was a teen.

And then there is the all pervasive sexism.  I’m not even sure how to talk about it.  Because the outrages are quite contradictory.  I mean, if same thing is said by two people, someone will take an offense to one person but not other person because you know, he’s kidding and he doesn’t mean it.  Now, if you point out to the person that both said the same thing, well, then you are trolling.  YOU POINT OUT SOMEONE’S STUPIDITY AND YOU ARE A TROLL. Such people are stupid.  I don’t know how to tell them they are stupid, mostly because they don’t follow me, but I do hope someone tells them that they’re stupid.

Sexism reminds me. Yaar, fairness creams and vagina fairness cream and god knows what.  Yes, some of these products are revolting and your skin colour (or for that matter, colour of your vagina) shouldn’t really define you just like your gender, weight, etc, but GET OVER IT.  I mean, there are people who want such products and so be it. You don’t want it, don’t buy.  Like this cousin of mine who stopped using fair and lovely.  Because she started buying fair and handsome when lovely stopped having any effect on her skin. 

Anyhoo. I’m getting bored of writing this post now. And I’m hungry too.  So I’ll just publish this and go have my lunch.

Operation Karisma

It was a warm summer afternoon when I was just chilling in the bathroom. What? You guys don’t? Thank your stars I’m not giving detailed description of what I was doing.

Anyway, so on a warm hot summer afternoon, through my peripheral vision I noticed something black and tiny run across the floor.  My instinct told me to panic and run out screaming.  But when I realised mom isn’t home, better sense prevailed and I quietly left the bathroom and locked it from the outside so that the trespasser cannot leave the property.

When the mother came home, I told her the frightening truth.  I had locked a baby lizard in the bathroom.  What is a girl supposed to do anyway?

But mothers are superhumans and immediately she came to the room armed with a full baygon and a broom.  Baygon to help the lizard pass out so we can carry it and throw it away in the wilderness where it can live with it’s own people.  We sprayed Baygon right where I had spotted the lizzie go, but it didn’t come out.

After about half an hour, mom gave up and told me to keep an eye open.  “How will I sleep?” I thought.  Considering a baby lizard is somewhere in the bathroom, frolicking, probably running around on my soap, while I sleep.  And, and what if I’ve to pee in middle of the night? What if the lizzie is staring down at me from top of the commode? :(

That night, I didn’t sleep well.  I dreamt that the lizard was actually an animagus. And that there is an actual human being wizard sitting somewhere in my bathroom in form of a lizard.  This was followed by a bizarre dream of me riding a giant cobra across the Pacific Ocean. Anyway, coming back, I woke up in middle of the night, imagining a wizard inside the bathroom.

Next morning, no lizard spotting happened.

I started wondering if I had imagined the whole thing.  Was it my mind playing tricks? Was it a tumour and I was having a dizzy/fainting spell? (Yes, I’ve been watching House M.D.)  But, but, I could never be wrong about spotting a lizard.

And then, around mid morning when I was again chilling in the bathroom, I saw it again.  This time, it was next to the mirror.  It was blackish and since the granite is greenish-black in colour, it takes a seasoned lizard spotter to notice it.

Within minutes the mother was summoned, armed with Baygon and broom.  This time, she was accompanied by a minion, the domestic help’s 13 year old daughter, who follows my mother like a puppy. (seriously, sometimes the kind of adoration the mother gets, I get jealous of her, also, SHE IS MY MOMMY, STAY AWAY FROM HER)

Anyway, so, the lizard is spotted, sprayed at, and because it was still a baby, it died. I’m sorry. Not sorry.

Operation Karisma. E.K.I.A. Enemy Killed In Action.

Well, at least it died on Akshay Tritiya, it will probably go to heaven.

One is no longer unemployed

It gives me great pleasure to inform yougaiz that I am no longer unemployed.  I’m joining one of the financial dailies and I may even see my name in print. HOW EXCITING IS THAT?

What about Chartered Accountancy, you ask? Well, it has ruined my jawaani, not letting it ruin the rest of my life. So, I’m gonna use the experience in writing, which has always been my first love.

Well, the new job is new, and I’m little scared and nervous and I have no experience or formal education to become a journalist, but there is where the challenge lies, right?  I am very, very nervous about the new job which I start from 27th of this month.

I have added disclaimers on the blog and Twitter, that views are personal. :| I never thought I will be one of those who need such disclaimers.  #TeamViewsArePersonal

Anyhoooooo. I’m gonna go now mostly because I don’t really know what else to write because I’m so excited and nervous and that I don’t know what to write.

And now I’m rambling.

BUT I AM NO LONGER UNEMPLOYED!

Rant

Know how I have always said how I want signs from the Universe on how things are going to be.  Or maybe some sort of background music or things going in slow motion to know something important is just around the corner?

Well, signs from the universe suck.  There is no such thing.  And I have always, always been wrong about them.

So, I have decided, no more looking out for signs or trying to read and interpret subtleties in people’s words and actions.  Because, evidently, I’m invariably wrong.  Especially when I feel very strongly about something/someone.

So, here’s deciding not to have any more expectations from anyone.  Or the fucking universe for that matter.  And I don’t believe in myself anyway, so that is one expectation less.

Anyway, this is just a rant because I am really, really furious.

And since I am not gonna believe in things unless I see any explicit evidence in front of me, I shall refrain from talking about any kind of progress in my life till it actually happens. 

Okay, rant over.

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