Will Write For Coffee

and food and vacations, too.

Month: November 2010 (page 1 of 2)


I am a total sucker for romantic comedies. I have grown up on a staple diet of yash chopra/karan johar/Suraj Barjatiya kind of movies and though I make fun of them, I still enjoy watching them for their grandness. The only actor who can still make me go weak in my knees is Salman Khan.

I have always wanted my life to have a hindi movie like feel to it. Rather, not just hindi movie, any romantic/romantic comedy movie. They are just so awesome. Of course, my all time crush on William Darcy (like every other girl who has read/seen Pride and Prejudice) makes me want to come across someone like Darcy. (unfortunately, no Darcy yet)

Talking about romantic movies, I saw Serendipity today again. The exasperation John feels when he is -><- this close to find Sara, and yet he can't find her makes me want to break into the screen and bring them together from the corner of the street and yell at them. So, do we really come across people through chance encounters and can we really end up falling madly in love with them? I would want to believe it, but at the same time, the cynic in me tells me what a fool I am to begin with to expect fiction become reality for me. How I have hoped to meet the guy I had strong crush on, one time, just one time, and that has never happened. There have been times when I have been in the same city (esp when I am in different city and the guy I have a crush on lives in another) as the guy, and hoped to just bump into him.. maybe at the airport, or at the movie theatre, or just randomly on the street. But that just does not happen. Of course, I could have called him then and we could have met up at a predecided time and a pre-decided place, but that isn’t usually how things happen, because you see, when we are in the same city, at that precise time, we have had some sort of gross misunderstanding, and we haven’t talked in weeks. So, all my hopes were entirely on chance. So, what goes wrong? Don’t they say that fiction needs inspiration from reality? Don’t any of these things happen in real life to real people? Yes, so films are all larger than life and all that shit, but c’mon, in real life, don’t we meet complete strangers who end up becoming a beautiful part of your life? Has it ever happened to you?

Politics Vs. Media

It was in 2001 January when an earthquake of magnitute 7.6 to 8.1 on richter scale hit Gujarat. It was on the Republic Day, and my first thoughts were Pakistan fired some underground missile. What followed was a frenzy of sorts. I’ve never seen people around so frightened about their lives. People spent their nights on the roads, literally. Everyone was afraid of getting inside a multi-storied building. And why not? We Gujaratis were used to facing other calamities like riots and floods. But the feeling of land shaking beneath your feet was very scary. I was 15, then. I cried for 2 hours to get out of the shock.

Keshubhai Patel was the chief minister of Gujarat at that time. Now, I dont know much, but I once heard someone say that keshubhai is the most corrupt CM to ever come to power in Gujarat. He soon lost power and came Narendra Modi.

So with this Barkha Dutt/Niira Radia scandal that has recently errupted, I am now wondering the real motives behind media and their strong views against Modi.

Modi was in the first few months as a Chief Minister when the Godhra carnage took place. A train coming from Ayodhya was set to fire in Godhra, and people were burnt alive inside two compartments. By the time the train reached ahmedabad, the news of the incident spread very quickly. People were enraged. What followed was perhaps one of the worst riots in the history of Gujarat.

Also, at that time, Aaj Tak was recently launched. It was in its initial years and NDTV was its main competitior. If I remember correctly, NDTV had some agreement with Star news and they had just parted ways. So, NDTV, Star News and Aaj Tak were the all vying for attention.

They all got their main breakthrough with Godhra Riots. You see, it was much easier to get eyeballs when you show a burning bus, or a live coverage of mobs. The fearless reporters jump right in the middle of a crazy group of violent people and report live on how some men just gangraped a woman or set fire to a bakery. I wont be too surprised if they would have asked some of the mobsters their views, and ‘aap kaisa mehsus kar rahe hain?’

So, who is responsible for this? The chief minister. Of course, even if the dog dies of rabies, the CM is personally liable for his death. So when hundreds of people (please understand, I am not saying Hindus or Muslims, loss of life is loss of life. period.) died, it is the chief minister who should be held responsible. For someone who lived in the city during its worst riots, I knew and felt that the riots were about 80 percent under control. The remaining 20 percent felt in the communially sensitive zone, where riots break out even on trivial issues like kite flying in Uttarayan.

Most non gujaratis I know hate Narendra Modi and call him modern day Hitler. Or as a certain Ms Gandhi called him Maut Ka Saudagar. Really?

So, no one had heard much about him before the riots, but suddenly, he was the muslim hater of teh world. Not just him, every other gujarati in the world was a muslim hater. They thought that there are two things us gujaratis can do instantaneously – break into a garba or break into a riot.

Javed Akhtar, I wonder if he knows about the muslim architecture and beautiful mosques in gujarat, at least knows something called Naroda Patia, and he never forgets to mention them in debates involving gujarat/Modi.

All this while, nobody realises that people know about it because the news channel kept showing it repeatedly. Whether the carnage or the aftermath of riots was politically motivated or not, is a different question, but it did get aggravated because of constant reruns on the news channel.

I have always been quite defensive about Modi and Gujarat, not because Modi is my personal hero, but he has been a good administrator, and the state has developed under his leadership. I can see the difference between pre modi gujarat and post modi gujarat. I just wish people would look beyond the riots and look at gujarat objectively.

These Barkha Dutt tapes have kind of shocked me. Not that I held her in high place, especially after the shabby way in which she has handled sensitive issues, but the fact that the sensational news htey show on tv is perhaps not just for the ratings. There is much more to it that what meets the eye.

News are not unbiased anymore. It’s a sad state of Indian Politics and Indian media. I hope there is a brighter future to this madness. I hope people in power do not misuse it.

2G or not 2G

No offence meant, but I have no idea what’s the difference between DMK and AIADMK and like all other political parties in India, look as if they’re handling shady deals. I always thought (and still think) the only difference is that one is run by Karunanidhi, who’s been like a monument, looking the same way ever since my memory can recollect, and other is run by Jayalalitha. For those who don’t know, Jaya is one of the two persons who can be spotten from the outer space. First one being the Dolly Bindra. In fact, she’s even been mistaken for a Crop Circle, an alleged means by which the aliens communicate with us humans.

Suddenly everyone is talking about corruption. How its evil tentacles have reached everywhere. People say that we should say no to corruption, and how it all begins on a personal level, like giving a 20 rupees note to the traffic police guy just so he wont fine you for 100 rupees. Of course, the thought of not talking on phone or wearing seatbelt/helmet never crosses our minds. How important it was to make that call to your friend that you are reaching in 15 minutes, you see. I digress.

How many of us strongly believe that anything substantial will come out of the investigation in the mismanagement of funds in the 2G spectrum scam or CWG scam or IPL scam or even Satyam scam? CBI and C&AG will keep on giving in reports, but then what? And how do you know the reports are not doctored? If corruption is at all levels, how can we be sure that CBI and C&AG are clean? How can we know that they may come across something which they may not find substantial? I know how subordinates ‘overlook’ things when the boss asks you to. It may or may not be material, but the reports are subjective.

How does A Raja’s resignation bring any change? Where will he bring back all the money?

At this time, I want to ask about the outcome of Bofors scandal and Fodder scam, oh, and the Taj corridor case? Mayawati’s outrageous currency notes garland and the money she spends on erecting statues? Like, wtf? Why doesnt anyone ask them also?

I say, A Raja and co. should be sent to Rakhi Ka Insaaf, and let Rakhi do all the talking. Wonder if anyone will care if she drives one of these men to suicide.

The Big Fight.

So the Big O arrives in India, and the media is going berserk. I am surprised how come no one has roped in Manish Malhotra for his expert comment on Michelle Obama’s outfit.

So the Awesome Reporters Inc., got together to have a question-answer-hallucination session with the Obamas. Here is an excerpt of the same.

Oh, and riding on the success wave of CWG goofups, Suresh Kalmadi was roped in to welcome Obama and Awesome Reporters.

Zuresh Kalmadi : Once upon a time, there was a man named Christopher Columbus. He set sail to discover the awesome place called India, but ended up on the other side of teh world, and called it America. After hundreds of years of that eventful day, two people (along with thousands of security guards) have managed to cross the saat samundars and reach the land called India. Finally.

Today, on the pious occasion of Diwali, let me welcome the foreign phataka (smiles suggestively at Michelle) and his husband, Frock Obama. It gives me great pleasure to welcome them to the country which has rich politicians err.. culture.

With the peaceful couple, we also have the reporters from the various news channel who are very keen on asking questions to the couple, but have been slapped with restraining orders because of their awesomeness. We have with us, Rajat Sharma, Barkha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai and the one and only Astro Uncle.

(yells)I declare the games open.

Razat Sharma (RS) : Obamaji, aaj aap pehli baar bharatiya shauchalay mein gaye the, aap kaisa mehsus kar rahe hai?

Obama : Meh-who?

Just then, a crazy man looking like a cross between a walrus and a lizard comes running. His hair are all disheveled and one side of his glasses are broken and stuck together with a tape. He snatches the microphone from Obama and runs around the room shouting, “is mic pe sirf mera haqq hai”.

Bharka Dutt (BD) : Security, please come and get Arnab, he is having one of his attacks. (to Obama) we’ve just checked him into the i-can’t-stop-speaking rehab and he keeps running away. And you don’t need to answer RS’s questions – imagine, Rakhi Sawant once asked him to marry her. No one, not even himself takes him seriously. So, here I come to the question I am itching to ask you, how does your visit to India is going to affect the suicidal farmers in Vidarbha? Do you know how mumbai and delhi are cleaned up for your visit? Do you realise how the common man is deprived of his fun and frolic on Diwali because of you – it was because of YOUR visit that the fire crackers are banned – it’s Diwali, the festival of light, and Mumbai is in a state of darkness only because YOU are here? Why couldn’t you choose the next weekend? Or, was it because you wanted to prove a point on how powerful you are to shut down the celebrations of the most loved festival of the secular nation? Why did you not choose to come down during Christmas or Eid? Oh, adn you know, Suresh Kalmadi anagrams as Sir U Made Lakhs? *smirks*

Raj-dip Sardesai (RS2) : (to himself) sigh, why do you think I left the frigging news channel? She can drive anyone up the walls by questions that make no sense.

Obama : (looks around nervously)

Suresh Kalmadi : That’s another Gold for India. I congratulate the organising committee. Next question please.

RS2 : Welcome to India, Mr. President.

Obama : (looking relieved that he finally got a chance to speak to a non-crazy person) Thank you. And Err.. Happy Diwali?

RS2 : Happy Diwali to you too. What are your views on news papers printing Mahendra Singh Dhoni and his wife splashing around in a beach? Is that invasion of privacy by media? Please watch out one hour debate on how intrusive media is. But we would like to know your views too.

BD : (to herself) why do you think we kicked him out? heh heh. That is not invasion of privacy. That is journalism. Invasion of privacy is when you ask an ex minister of state whether he has a girlfriend. (ref Shashi Tharoor)

Astro Uncle : jis waqt aapka plane land hua bharat mein, us waqt sitaron ki jo position thi, usse aapko bahaut hi labh hoga. Aapke sitare kehte hai ki aap ko yahan bahaut gyaan milne wala hai, aur yeh aapka nazaria badal dega.

Obama looks around the hall hoping against hopes for some sort of support.

Just then, a voice comes alive.

Bigg boss chahte hai ki Obama aur unki patni, is pagalkhane ka udghatan kare aur apni jaan bacha kar bhaage. Yeh bahaut hi khatarnaak log hai, aur inke saath rehna surakshit nahin.

The bewildered Obama couple run out of the place, and go back home with a different perspective about India. Astro Uncle was right.

Older posts